While various idiots from social news sites (*cough* Reddit *cough*) dribble over each other and clap their misshapen hands while making poor jokes about ‘hardons[sic]‘ that ‘collide’, which would be fit for <60 IQ subhumans, I tentatively read about yet another delay for the Large Hadron Collider, which saddens me.

If you’re unaware of the world around you (which is likely because you probably watch Fox News), the LHC is the next particle accelerator that’s being developed by CERN, which will be the largest one ever made. There was a lot of controversy surrounding its activation, mainly spawning from far-right conservative morons who know absolutely nothing about physics, and think that their Ph. D in liberal arts means that they have jurisdiction over anything scientific which they don’t understand, just because they wet their bed every night thinking about it.

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This is what your god looks like.

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Even though I laughed so hard at the utterly stupid logic behind the controversy that I burst a lung, I have to say, it WOULD be beyond cool if this thing did in fact destroy the world. I took solace in the fact that this would end the massive infestation of idiots that populate my planet, but quickly shrugged it off as being too good to be true. (The fact that it would nullify everything that wasn’t stupid occurred to me a little later, but at least they’ll be seen as martyrs to the Flying Spaghetti Monster.)

But unfortunately, it’s not going to happen.

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Regardless of the debunking, my fantasies of utter post-apocalyptic doom were not fulfilled. I thought about what it would be like if a black hole or strangelet suddenly vomited into existence beneath you, so I edited a short animation to demonstrate my imagination of what would happen. It was originally from an animation titled The Lizard Vortex, by Greasy Moose. I don’t know about you, but that title kicks ass.

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However, I was still not satisfied, so I did some more editing. Now, Manny turns into a pile of goo, and then morphs back into a human! ‘Yes,’ I thought, ‘this is precisely what would happen!’ I watched this on repeat for several hours. It was great. (Edit: it appears WM is worthless and sometimes shows a blank video. If this happens to you, either minimise then maximise your browser without scrolling up or down, or click the link below it to open it manually.)




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