Thud. Thud. Thud.

That’s the noise of boredom hammering away at my skull with a stone club. It’s like a spectral gorilla sent from purgatory to punish me for writing about my huge wang how to correct the flaws of my species. To attempt to alleviate this, I decided to troll the World of Warcraft boards for a few minutes, because I know that it usually harbours the most unintelligent of people. Maybe I don’t support being competitive when it comes to flogging people savagely with my tendrils of wit, but there’s something fulfilling about mocking stupid people; it gives a small reaffirming realisation of how awesome you are.


Kirk is well aware of this sentiment.


Because I haven’t played for a quite a while, I recently bought a month of gameplay time, on the basis that I may need some additional entertainment on my holidays. Unfortunately, I was completely wrong. Since posting privileges are part of the fee, I decided to make the most out of it — cause an obese 15-year-old to rage on a forum.

After a brief scan, I found a suitable topic, which was about people who were so much better than everyone else. This should be a goldmine. I promptly fired a small load with no compunction.

I kinda like being better than everyone else though. Still managing to kill Nefarian before everyone while killing everyone in PvP and generally being awesome. Having two gladiators and a duelist while killing Illidan before everyone again.

The fact that I haven’t even played for 5 months only to buy a month a few days ago to see that my gear is still better than almost everyone else’s is good too. It’s comforting to know that my awesome skills at this manifestation of vast compiled C++ code allow me to spend such little time for such grand returns compared with the other, inferior members of my species, who pathetically struggle to achieve anything even with such large time commitments, and barely sate their needs for entertainment. It reflects your abilities in real life. Bads.

Unfortunately, most the replies actually supported me, instead of piss people off. It’s hard trolling when you’re as modest as me, I guess.

If there’s one thing this game told me about commanding large amounts of people, it’s that they’re really worthless at the most menial of tasks and can’t think or react for themselves. It amazes me that so many people live for so long without killing themselves from accidentally setting their own genitals on fire.


This is what my reaction would be to a typical WoW player; surprised that they’re intelligent enough to know how to breath.

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