No, they really don’t.  In fact, I’ve always had the firm belief that the number of friends you have on your horribly designed profile that you created using your own faeces and some instructional site your half-retarded 13-year-old cousin told you about is inversely proportional to how witty and exciting you are.

I intentionally keep my lists down to a bare minimum.  It’s a theory I’ve had about people and societies, which I will explain later.  I don’t add hambeasts, who have more friends than they can count to, that clearly don’t know anyone on their own lists more than the potted cactus they keep on their desk (which conveniently has a better personality than them too).  I constantly get requests from people I’ve never met; it seems that they think that just because they went to the same school as me, or attended a bag-making convention, they should have the privilege of being my “virtual friend”.  Don’t associate yourself with me — you are most definitely a crap.

Let me try and explain it with more clarity.  If you have a vast number of people on your list, this does not reflect your popularity.  If you have more than 100 friends on your social faggotry site, do yourself a favour and pierce your skull with a bullet.  Please.  If you’re trying to promote something, DO IT THE PROPER WAY AND PURCHASE A WEB SOLUTION.  Everyone hates people like you, because you’re stupid.  You only add imaginary friends to your shitty sites that no-one cares about so you can feel better about yourself due to the failures you constantly experience in your real-life.  It’s a mental condition.


The red doesnt represent blood.  It represents the pestilence these people put upon everyone.

The red does not represent blood.  It represents the pestilence these people put upon everyone.


Now, you might be wondering about my number theory.  I call it Xarcosian Prime Theory Alpha.  It states: the more people there are in a society, the stupider that society is.  If you’re at least mildly intelligent, take a look around you.  The post-1950s ‘baby boomer’ generation (which makes me vomit in my mouth a little every time I have to call it that) effectively destroyed more human intelligence than ever before in history (well, not counting the dark ages) by producing so many stupid people.  Thanks for wrecking my species you horny assholes.  You bred stupid people and now the smart people are in constant agony because their non-stupidness isn’t recognised, all due to the wonders of democracy and the fallacy that quantity is greater than quality.

However, you want some proof.  Luckily, this proof is extremely easy to obtain.  Look at the United States.  While not necessarily a bad country, it is certainly one of the dumbest; the US is so stupid they have more people starving than Australia’s entire population, which tipped the scales of ‘fattest country on earth’ — technically, Australia is the fattest country now, but that’s only because it doesn’t have millions of people in fucking poverty.  They’re so stupid they don’t even have socialised healthcare.  Some schools even teach creationism, which is probably the most hilariously stupid thing I’ve ever heard.  They have child rapist camps (I’m going to call them that) which forcefully marry 13-year-old girls to bald 71-year-old flaccid men.  Their government creates illegal wars, and, worst of all, they have Oprah Winfrey.

I could go on, but I’ll stop there because I think you get the point.  What does this mean though?  Think.  The population of the US is something like 300 million.  That is a lot of people, and according to my theory, this makes the US very stupid.  There are many other countries that, likewise, are very stupid, but I’ll let you figure them out for yourself.

On the other hand, this means countries with small amounts of people are very smart.  This is correct.  Contrasting the US, Sweden, for example, has only about nine million people, and they’re more than likely the epitome of what hundreds of thousands of years of human development should actually be capable of.  Israel, too, only has about seven million, and are the technological pioneers of the world.  Although Israel also likes killing a lot of people while at the same time giving tonnes of cash to poor countries so they can build weapons, at least they actually produce something instead of just being obese.  Disregarding the political issues about Israel (because they are ad hominem infinitum), without them we probably wouldn’t have mobile phones, CPUs that aren’t completely worthless, or any developments in nanotechnology.


Xarcosian Prime Theory Alpha at work.

Xarcosian Prime Theory Alpha at work.


My knowledge and theories are infallible.  When you’re at the pinnacle of ethics and logic you often have to feign stupidity in order to allow other, simpler people, to understand what you mean.


PS. I may have made some things up.  Maybe.

4 Responses to “Social networking sites don’t actually display how social you are.”
  1. pampkin says:

    i don’t necessarily agree that so-called social networking sites don’t benefit people promoting something. there are clearly enough “stupid people” who add anything and everything to their profile in order to feel more socially adept and fulfilled that anyone with something to promote has the potential to reach a shockingly high audience, as opposed to say, the amount of hits you get to this blog. it is free publicity that deserves to be taken advantage of.

    the rest is more-or-less accurate.

  2. xarcos says:

    If I see someone cheaply promote themselves with such amateur sites, I immediately think, ‘wow, these guys must be pretty terrible if they have to resort to this kind of publicity’. The fact remains that any normal person treat such things as a joke because it thrives off human stupidity and/or consumption (which, sometimes, no-one cares about, as long as you’re using your wallet).

    It may be free publicity, but at what cost? It’s costing them what little reputation they have, and their ability to ever become something that isn’t a pile of discarded baby heads. They will never be awesome. Take it as you will.

    The only kind of thing I can accept is if they’re some kind of underdog and produce quality with a lack of funding, or if they’re already well-reputed and just want to give some of their work away for free in another, dumber avenue.

  3. w/e douches says:

    your whole theory on people who advertise on such sites reads like the broken rambling of a scorned child. In general what your expressing is correct but your own theory states that many retarded socially impaired malfunctions log into these sites and for this reading advertising there hit the most amount of brain dead people. Now if your in any form “smart” enough to have some sort of product that remotely sparks the interests of the inbreed community then the best place to put your advertising would be right in the eyes of people stupid enough to buy that special cleaner you made that works 100 times better than the rest. Targeting stupid peoples wallets benefits your own company allowing more expansion or simple allows you to buy your own small island and distance your self from the slow destruction of the human race. With that mentioned stupid company’s also post there adds in this manner.

  4. xarcos says:

    Quite right. Don’t confuse scorn with satire. :)

    However, it doesn’t make them any less stupid. The fact is that they’ll still make shitty profits because their products will be aimed at shitty people who will never earn more than 20k, maybe 30k per year. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone who explicitly makes use of any socially retarded avenue and is actually successful. I don’t think they will be able to buy an island.

    Maybe an island of embarrassment for being a sellout to stupidity… or cheese.

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